It’s been one week since I gave birth to my baby girl! This has been the longest week of my life! Every day I wake up wanting her here and every night I go to sleep looking for her… I know she’s with Jesus but that doesn’t make my pain any easier. I know my God is sovereign but I don’t know what His plan is just yet for my pain and despair! I know He will turn this around for good… maybe not my good but for the good of those around me or those that I come in contact with…
As much as I hate to admit it I am now a member of a secret society/club that not many talk about… you know the group of parents that have lost a child and not just any child but a stillborn child. I know loss is loss but it seems like even this loss is a little different from those who had time with their child and were able to see their child grow and change… I am in no way saying that my loss is greater than any one else’s loss I am just pointing out the fact that it’s just different!
All my life I’ve been different… so why should my current situation be anything other than just that! I’m angry but even in my anger I still love God and have known from the beginning of this tragedy that He was in control and no matter what happened He would still be in control! There is nothing that I can change or could have changed!
So now after a week full of emptiness I am continually turning to Him in my despair, sorrow, anger, and love! I know that I don’t have much love left to give Him but what I have is His and has always been His since I said yes to following Him no matter the cost!! I guess it’s time to show Him that I meant what I said 7 years ago… because this is by far the hardest thing I have EVER had to deal with.
Thanks for listening/reading and your continued prayers,