Today wasn’t so bad. I thought it would be horrendous. Today marks four months that my precious Kiwi Hannah has been gone. She lived four months and she’s been in heaven four months! Just the other day my husband mentioned that he was sad because I would be 8 months pregnant if Kiwi were still here… and all I could do was say yeah, I know huh…
I think the day passed quicker than normal because I have a job and spent most of my day listening to NPR and entering data into a spreadsheet. I then came home changed and then went to a friend’s house and worked out! It was definitely something I needed to do and I felt good getting into the game and working out even if my arms feel like they are going to fall off…

I miss my baby every day and some days I feel like everything just happened yesterday, the pain is so sharp and the colors so vivid. But I know that one day the colors of my pain will be in black and white.