Today wasn’t so bad. I thought it would be horrendous. Today marks four months that my precious Kiwi Hannah has been gone. She lived four months and she’s been in heaven four months! Just the other day my husband mentioned that he was sad because I would be 8 months pregnant if Kiwi were still here… and all I could do was say yeah, I know huh…
I think the day passed quicker than normal because I have a job and spent most of my day listening to NPR and entering data into a spreadsheet. I then came home changed and then went to a friend’s house and worked out! It was definitely something I needed to do and I felt good getting into the game and working out even if my arms feel like they are going to fall off…
I miss my baby every day and some days I feel like everything just happened yesterday, the pain is so sharp and the colors so vivid. But I know that one day the colors of my pain will be in black and white.
I have only started this “tradition” if you will, last year but I definitely love it and see myself finding my one word theme for years to come.
This years theme isBELIEVE!
My life was shattered into a million pieces at the end of last year after accomplishing so many great things and now I need to begin to believe again… it’s as simple as that! As I believe my faith will begin to grow and my healing and restoration will come.
So what am I believing for? Everything!
I am believing for
my marriage (I want to do a better job of putting William first)
our finances both for me to have a good job and for us to pay down debt
unity within my church as well as the growth of my church
the role I play in my church; its time for me to get back in the game
health that I can lose this weight
continued healthy healing from the lost of Kiwi
But most of all I am going to BELIEVE in God’s sovereignty!! He knows exactly what He is doing and the loss of Kiwi did not catch Him by surprise although I am sure that He is crying right along with me! I am choosing to believe the word that I keep getting: “God makes all things new” and I am continuing to believe that His grace is sufficient!
So here’s to 2015!! Right now may not seem like much but the best is yet to come and I will believe!
I have exactly 6 months to accomplish my goals (my birthday is July 8th)!! I have already accomplished a few and am on my way to accomplishing a couple more within the next few weeks. They are in no particular order and I will try to post a blog with pictures when I have completed my future tasks…
Go to a wine tasting (I did this with Val and Jessica in NC)
I want to go see an Indy Film (Saw Dear White People)
Go to a painting class (Painted Monet’s Water Lilies with Crystal)
I want to partake in a fancy dinner
I want to dress up in fancy clothes for said dinner
I want to have a Girls Night Out where we’re all dressed up
I want to rock a Body Con dress at some point
I want to dye my hair at some point
I want to complete a Pinterest Project that’s not food
I want to actually print pictures
I want to play a whole song with melody on the piano
I want to hold a conversation in Spanish
I want to pay off debt
I want to recreate an outfit with only thrifted clothes
I want to finish William’s Blanket
I want to paint more and actually learn techniques
I want to finish the Dance Ministry SOP I’m working on
I want to get a job that I like
I want to start a group for women
Book a speaking engagement
Go to a beach
Go to a new city
Become a thrifter
Go to networking events
Rent a house or cabin with friends
Step into what God has for me
Become a mentor
Go to North Carolina
Go to Ohio
Go to Texas
*My just because is to apply for a job out of country*