So this month I decided to learn what a wife was… and I can proudly say that I’m doing alright! It’s been a wonderful experience and a time for me to really reflect and realize who I was and what kind of wife I want to be and you know what my husband has publicly praised my efforts!!!
I am not going to lie and say it was all easy because it wasn’t but I definitely learned how to die to myself and do things for him that I otherwise wouldn’t. I know that being a wife is always a work in progress and I will definitely keep working at it but I’m excited about my new-found knowledge of what a wife is and my advancement into that realm!!!
Like I said last week, I have begun to interview different wives so that I can learn from them and so that maybe you can learn something too… This particular person has become like a sister to me. We met while serving together in our church and we instantly connected! We always looked forward to serving together and there was always something to talk about…
We definitely grew together during this time. We also were in the same bible study group together but the moment that solidified we’d be in each others lives forever was when we went on a mission trip together; ten days really will change your life!
She’s genuine and generous two traits that are hard to find in a person and I am so honored to have her as a friend, sister, and confidant. I’ve learned so much from her and I know that you will be able to take away something from her too. Here is how she answered my questions…
How long have you been married? 10 1/2 YEARS
Were your or are your parents married? Currently married for 29 years
What did you learn from your parents that you use in your own marriage? Stick it out!!! No problem, circumstance, situation worthy of divorce.
What’s your secret to being married? Putting my husbands needs before my own (and yes, I’m happier than ever)
How do you learn to compromise as a wife? How do you and your spouse learn to compromise? The revelation that God uses my spouse to speak to me whether it be truth, wisdom, affirmation, etc. meaning that in the moment I may not agree with a decision, but I respect him as the head of household. There will be times when he gets it wrong but it is not my job to condemn, rather I allow myself to be the soft place he falls.
What was the best advice you’ve ever received? Divorce is not an option.
What was your life like when you first got married? Selfish..I was only interested in having my needs met and was highly disappointed ALL the time!! I was VERY young (19) and clueless about marriage or what it mean to be one with someone else
What makes you a wife? I’m a female who honors the covenant of marriage I made to my husband before God.
Have you ever considered being a wife as a full-time occupation? I believe just as you’re a stay-at-home mom, you too can be a full-time wife. That comes with the expectation though that you are truly working on becoming the wife God created you to be. I also think it’s seasonal. You continue to work on becoming an excellent wife for the rest of forever, however, you don’t need to stay home to do it. God will call you to be home during the times he sees fit. Staying home to hone in on those skills is an excellent way to start the journey because it limits distractions and you can spend time in the word freely to study what it means to be an excellent wife, but I think you’d be limiting your potential if you don’t allow God to use you in other areas.
What are your expectations as a wife? I expect respect. Everything else is bonus.
Does societies portrayal of a wife line up with what you do? Absolutely not. Society and the world are so caught up with feminist views. They’re ignorant to the roles created by God for women. Submission in the world view has a negative connotation when in fact submission to your husband is actual surrender to Lordship! Have you ever read any books on being a wife and if so what were they? The Excellent Wife is the only book I’ve read on being a wife. It was enough for me…It completely changed my way of thinking, my life, and my marriage.
Thank you everyone for continuing with me on this journey and thank you Veronica for taking the time to answer my questions and for sharing a piece of yourself with me and my readers. Until next time, blessings to you!
Okay so this whole scripture has been popping up in one way or another in my life for the past couple of weeks… Not to mention I had verse three on my bathroom window for over a year as a wonderful piece of encouragement!!! This will definitely be the longest scripture memory verse to date!!! I want to really pay attention to the whole thing (it’s only five verses) instead of just one section of it not to mention He is so worthy of all of my praise!!! so here we go…
Psalm 100 says
Make a joyful noise to the Lord all the earth! Serve the Lord with gladness! Come into his presence with singing! Know that the Lord, he is God! it is he who made us, and we are his; we are his people, and the sheep of his pasture. Enter his gates with thanksgiving, and his courts with praise! Give thanks to him; bless his name! For the Lord is good; his steadfast love endures forever, and his faithfulness to all generations.
I hope you find the worship that will definitely come from memorizing and meditating on this scripture! I am definitely looking forward to going a bit deeper and letting this soak into my memory bank!!
An invite to a cake and ice cream party… that’s all it took for me to finally make the connection on why I absolutely love birthdays!!! I always just thought it was the way God made me… which I am sure in many ways it is… I mean I don’t know of anyone who holds on to memories the way that I do and makes them into something entirely different according to the current situation… not to say that my memory changes it’s more like I adapt a past memory into something that allows me to find the good in it… I hope that makes sense… so anyway back to my memory…
Cake and Ice Cream Parties looking back on them were the equivalent to a white person’s birthday party for not-so-rich black folk… (sorry if I’m stepping into offensive ground I’m just trying to be real) anyway, they mostly consisted of family members only; all the cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc… there was never anything special about the day, you might have gotten a new outfit or maybe just some new shoes (that you saved for school days) you more than likely already had your gifts or were still waiting for them there was never a designated open your gifts time… sometimes there was food and sometimes not if there was it was always hotdogs and hamburgers and you mostly spent all day playing outside with all your cousins… if you got anything from the ice cream truck earlier that day you made sure you didn’t get it on your new outfit (before the pictures were taken) otherwise even on your birthday you’d still get whooped…
When the sun set it was time for cake and ice cream… you already had dinner so there really wasn’t anything else to do… and then and only then could you MAYBE invite a friend or two over… not a minute sooner and they had to be kids your mom already knew and had been invited into the house on previous occasions… don’t think for one minute you’re gonna get to invite the new kid over because your mom didn’t know them and they were NOT coming in… in fact you probably already told the friends who were invited earlier and were going around the apartment complex knocking on their doors telling them it was time for the cake and ice cream and to hurry up…( actually it went more like this ,” Ms so and so I’m getting ready to have my cake and ice cream now can so and so still come over?)
Once everyone was inside you gathered around the kitchen table where the few decorations were (a few balloons and MAYBE some streamers) and everyone sang happy birthday to you as your mom came around the corner with the cake and all the stick candles in it (WE NEVER HAD THE NUMBER CANDLES) and that’s when the pictures were taken… in order to get a piece of cake you had to have the same plate you ate off of earlier… (everyone had their own identifying mark… initials, stars, hearts, an X etc) and only the few friends got a new plate which you probably went out of your way to give to them as to not make a big deal when everyone seemingly had a plate out of nowhere because they were told to go get their plate which was in a designated holding area.
After you ate the cake and ice cream… the day was done… you and all your cousins walked the few friends back to their door then all the family started to disappear (most with plates full of leftovers) but they never left without giving you a hug and kiss and telling you happy birthday… most of the time you just stood by the door as to not miss anyone… that’s when, IF you were getting anything from anyone you’d get it… rather it be a card, or a few bucks… BUT it wasn’t expected nor was it an obligation to give anything because you just had your gift which was the cake and ice cream… and truly that was enough!!!
You rarely got a chance to feel special, especially if you had siblings so to get the privilege of having a cake and ice cream party was the highlight of the year! I absolutely loved them whether they were for me or my brothers or sister or a cousin… because although you didn’t get too many things you were truly surrounded by all the people who cared about you the most and maybe even a few friends who made the cut!! We had cake and ice cream every year for our birthday even if we had nothing else… and we (the birthday boy or girl) always got to pick what kind of cake we wanted (at least in my family we did).
And I guess that’s why today I absolutely love birthdays and I refuse to let anyone be alone on theirs or go without acknowledging it… because if I and many other not-so-rich black folk can love and be excited and grateful about our birthdays on the simple basis of cake and ice cream then surely you can find something to be excited and grateful about on your birthday!!! So just know that when I say happy birthday I really mean it. Whether it be via Facebook, text message, voice-mail, card, or a prayer you may not know about…. if I know your birthday please know that I am thinking of you on your most special day of the year!!!
In my quest to find out what a wife is I decided to come up with questions to ask other wives in order to gain insight from them. Hopefully you will learn just as much as I did from each wife featured. In the future I plan on asking these questions and other questions to many more wives because you can never learn too much and thereby making this a reoccurring topic on my blog. So without further ado meet Lorneth.
Lorneth is a friend that I met while working at the local pregnancy center in Clarksville. We instantly clicked and have known each other for a little more than a year. She is simply gorgeous and passionate about everything that she does. Here is how she answered my questions…
How long have you been married? Almost 5 years. Were your or are your parents married? yes. What did you learn from your parents that you use in your own marriage? Unconditional love. What’s your secret to being married? patience and forgiveness. How do you learn to compromise as a wife?How do you and your spouse learn to compromise? If something is really important to my husband, I will compromise my stance. If it is something that requires more time than I can offer, I will not compromise. What was the best advice you’ve ever received? Whatever you start doing at the beginning of the marriage your husband will always expect.
What was your life like when you first got married? Frustrating, because I am very independent but as a married woman, any decision I make affects my husband so I have to be aware of that fact. What makes you a wife? I am my husband’s help mate. Meaning, I am the first line of defense in his life. Have you ever considered being a wife as a full-time occupation?Yes, but my personality will not work with that set up.
What are your expectations as a wife? To do everything!!!!! Well, at least to cook, clean, balance the checkbook take care of kids and be ready for sex after a long day. Does societies portrayal of a wife line up with what you do? Yes. Have you ever read any books on being a wife and if so what were they? I have read articles in the past and listen to programs on being a Godly wife, but I have never read a book.
Thank you Lorneth for taking the time to answer my questions and thank you readers and subscribers for joining me in my quest to becoming a better wife. I really do appreciate it. Until next time blessings to you!