Praise Break!

Today I had a VA appointment and during that said appointment I realized just how good God has been to me!! I had to recall some pretty terrible things that happened to me growing up… and just the life I’ve lived in general. I won’t go into very much detail but looking back I’ve been molested several times from the ages of 5-13, had a bout of anorexia my first two years of high school, was raped at 16, suffered from depression and suicidal thoughts from ages 13-27… grew up to a single mother with a father who was in and out of jail my whole life… I should be a statistic, into drugs or worse… BUT GOD!!!

He kept me…through it all; regardless of everything that happened to me and I know that He will continue to keep me and has been keeping me through the lost of our daughter Kiwi!!

His love is real and He continues to show me how real it is every single day of my life!! It’s not just the big things it’s the small things! He’s made me new and given me a life I never thought possible to have. Please believe I praised Him all the way home!! I serve an awesome God. One who has loved me my whole life and given me beauty for ashes. Thank you Jesus for loving me and continuing to strengthen me.

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Refresh Vox Box

 

This is a bit late but better late than never right? Plus you can get these items at anytime so it’s totally okay. 

I got a whole bunch of awesome FREE goodies from my last Influenster box and I want to share what I thought with you…
First up is the Beanitos Chips!! I had 2 different flavors I got to try the Nacho cheese and the Restaurant Tortilla chips and they were both amazing!! Full of flavor and super healthy!! They run about $3.49 which is a little steep but they are non GMO certified organic, gluten-free and certified kosher… For all the healthy benefits I think its worth it!!
 
 
Next we have the cover girl Ultra Smooth Foundation! I absolutely loved the packaging!! It was convenient to open and came with an applicator!! The color wasn’t exactly correct so I ended up using it as a concealer. It’s suppose to give you a flawless look while hiding tiny hairs that we ALL have on our faces… For the price it’s between $12.99-16.99 I think it’s not a bad deal… I did like the way it went on, it was super smooth and light!
 
This next goodie had me a little skeptical… But turned out to be a gym hidden in a tiny container! It’s the L’occitane Shea Butter Light Comforting Cream. As described it truly is non-greasy which is always hard to find and it actually works!! Not only did it help my SUPER dry skin but it also kept my skin moist for the entire day! The ONLY thing I don’t like about this product is the amount you get for the money you pay!! It’s $5 for an 8ml container!

size comparison!! I’m NOT paying $5 for this!!

I’m not even gonna lie, I didn’t try the Orgain Certified Organic Nutritional Shakes! We received a couple of coupons to try them but they are not my thing at all so I plan on giving/gifting them to my friends who are into that sort of thing. The shakes themselves run between three and four dollars and they gave us a coupon to try one for free and then another coupon for a dollar off…
 
At $1.49 the Montagne Jeunesse Face Masques aren’t bad at all! I’ve tried this brand before and wasn’t disappointed. I’ll definitely be enjoying this!
 
Probably the thing I loved the most besides the aforementioned chips was the Skinnygirl Tasty Nutrition Bars!! They were gluten-free low-calorie and tasted yummy!! Like really good and not at all like most gluten-free things I’ve tasted that make me want to immediately spit it out!! No, this is a total winner and I was sad when it was gone!

I ate the bar before taking a picture so this image is from skinnygirldaily.com

I also received Listerine Pocketpaks and loved the convenience of them. It dissolves so much quicker than a regular mint and lasts just as long of not longer. Let me tell you when you’re at the altar praying for people it can get a bit tricky to maneuver a mint that hasn’t yet dissolved, so this may just be my new best friend. At $1.40 the price is pretty comparable to the mints I already get… The only downside is how small the package is. It totally gets lost in my purse because I don’t always have pockets to put them in. 

I also got some DenTek Comfort Clean Floss Picks which were super awesome and convenient. I keep them in my purse and love the fact that I don’t have to wait until I get home to get a stubborn piece of food out. At $1.39 for a pack of 30 it’s totally worth it. They also gave me a sample of some of the flavored kid flossers you can find them at a store near you, they can run anywhere between $2.19- $3.39 for a pack of 75.
Overall I was very happy with my Refresh Vox Box and would highly recommend everything I tried!! And as always please note that these products were given to me for testing purposes and the opinions are all my own. If you’ve never checked Influenster out be sure and do that.
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Six months later 

Today marks six whole months that I’ve been without Kiwi. I’m further along then I ever thought possible especially in the beginning… Of course I’m not at 100% and I think a part of me will always ache for my baby but I’m not where I use to be!! I can smile, laugh and enjoy my surroundings without feeling like, “I’m supposed to be sad.”
   

Kiwi’s father and I actually went up to North Carolina in the Smokey Mountains to celebrate my best friend’s 30th birthday. It was a last minute road trip and it was so fantastic to get away and relax! We shared a little bit about Kiwi and the time we had with her, the mood wasn’t too somber I was surrounded by good friends, the love of my life, and near perfect weather!!
   

God is definitely doing something in my life in this new season and I know that what I’m going through concerning the loss of my daughter has a lot to do with it!!
The pain that I’ve felt is unlike any other and in a weird way it has made me stronger which, I figure is the kind of strength I’ll need to pursue the plans God has for me, whole heartedly and full of faith knowing that I will survive it all!
Thank you for the continuous love, support, encouragement and prayers!! William and I know that we wouldn’t have made it to this point without you and our God!!
Blessings,
Terri

The Past Five Months

The past five months have been utterly incomprehensible! I’ve never known a pain so deep, so raw, one that bleeds at the sight of a newborn baby, pregnant lady, or baby clothes (did I mention I am constantly surrounded by all three).

And yet, here I am; ALIVE and in my right mind when I thought I’d be dead or locked away in an institution for the mentally insane!

I am surrounded by good, meaty, life-long friends that give more than they take; and that’s refreshing! I have been working which has kept my mind busy and brought some much-needed money into the house. I’ve even lost most of the baby weight, and I celebrated my sixth wedding anniversary with my wonderful husband!!

Life is ever so slowly moving forward, my relationship with Jesus has returned to what it once was…Heck, it may even be better than before because now I have captured a part of His grace I never knew existed!

I still miss my baby girl, Kiwi Hannah Harding every day!! Some days are more than others and some days the pain isn’t as bad but every day (come to find out) she is thought about and missed and loved by more than just me!! She was an answered prayer, a promise fulfilled, a long-awaited gift, and although I only had her for a little while, she was everything I had asked for!

So today on this fifth month of her being with Jesus, although my heart aches I’m deciding to trust in Jesus, look towards the future, and begin to live a little bit more of the life God has for me because Kiwi is more than okay she is with the only man who could love her more than her father and me: Jesus, and at the end of the day that’s all a mother could ask for and ever want!!

It’s finally here!

The day I have been waiting for since last May has finally arrived! After September, I thought it would take forever to get here. January came and the countdown began…My anniversary came and my husband and I had a great time. For a brief two-day moment we enjoyed ourselves as if for the last four months our lives haven’t been under major construction after crumbling right before our eyes so unexpectedly. Thank you to everyone who made a happy anniversary possible, I asked for prayers and they were answered.

Alas, it’s been a few days since my anniversary and now the day I was hoping would be a joyous occasion is just another day. However, it is now filled with a deep heartache and longing for what should have been my due date!

During this countdown my heart although healing, has very much been tortured:

  • To see the women who were pregnant a few weeks before me have their babies was a slap in the face.
  • Those who were pregnant a few weeks after me, well to see them surpass me and making final preparations before their baby comes is hurtful.
  • To see or hear about couples who haven’t been married as long as my husband and me find out their pregnant still has a gut wrenching punch.
  • But the real killer of my heart is seeing a newborn baby. It doesn’t matter whose baby it is or where we are; with every new-born baby I see I feel a physical ache in my heart and the breath is knocked out of me. I have to fight to stay standing.

Please don’t hear what I am not saying/writing… I am happy for those women. I have to remind myself all the time because what I’m looking at is their blessing and their story and it’s not mine to steal or be envious of. But it doesn’t mean I don’t hurt thinking about my baby Kiwi Hannah and the story that has been left unwritten concerning her life.

I am grateful to have made it this far. I am glad this day has finally come so that I can let go of another milestone I had been holding on too, and can continue to heal. This was the day I just wanted to get through and now it’s here and will be over soon… I know this pain will continue for quite some time but I also know that it will eventually begin to fade in the background and every emotion that I feel in between those two moments. God’s grace is sufficient enough to be able to handle them.

Thank you for your continued prayers they are very much appreciated.

10 Years Later

Today is my baby Cylis’ 10th Birthday!! Every year I reminisce on all the things that I never got to do with Cylis because he went to heaven too soon… but this year for the first time I’m happy that he’s there because that means that my baby Kiwi Hannah was greeted by him in heaven when she first got there and I’m sure they continue to hang out now!

I’m so incredibly sad. Words truly aren’t good enough to express the sorrow that I’m feeling today but knowing that my two babies are together in heaven puts a smile on my face through the tears and makes me a bit jealous that they get all the fun with Jesus and all I get is His still small voice.

Happy Birthday Cy!!! I loved you from the moment I knew you existed. Thank you for showing my baby Kiwi around heaven… I look forward to celebrating in heaven with you one day.