This month is over! There was so much stuff going on I really don’t know what my focus should be for the coming month. Trying to find the balance between work and life has been unattainable and will probably remain as such forever, but my goal is to be at least 60/40 at any given moment. Therapy is still much needed. I actually had fun doing our budget and keeping track of what was going on with our money at any given moment. It actually brought about a freedom I don’t think I’ve felt in a long time when it comes to money. It would be nice to add another date night into the budget as well as a few other line items. I want to start running again, and continue to be mindful of what I put into my body mainly dairy and processed sugars. I want to get to bed at a decent time again, instead of past midnight. I really want to refocus and readjust my goals going into the last 3 months of the year and I want to continue to go deep with Jesus and His word. I didn’t really narrow anything down, but I do know that I feel much better about going into this new month with a fresh perspective and newly outfitted goals! Thanks again for your support and encouragement!
I’m broken. I’ve always known this, but I just realized how broken I am, and it’s really, really broken. I think it is very interesting that as I have committed to fixing one part of my life, other areas are coming to the top asking to be skimmed off, to be looked upon and reflected on… and it hurts.
As much as it hurts, I will do the work necessary for healing to take place and I will keep moving forward and living my life to the full! I’m just broken; not destroyed, not unrecognizable. I am still able to function and see the goodness in this life! I’m ready to do the work, to discover all that this life has to offer on the other side of the pain I’ve carried for so long. I’m ready to experience a new kind of freedom, one where I know exactly who I am, and what I’ve been called to do!
Today I go in for a procedure that is going to aid in letting my baby bake longer so that what happened with Kiwi won’t happen again!
I know, I know!! It’s been a while but it’s true God has given us another baby!! And we believe that this child whom we call Bow is God’s promise to us and despite what my body is doing, he will go full term and we will raise this baby!!
We’re not as far as we were with Kiwi just yet but we are about a month out… I mean in all actuality we only found out a month ago we were even pregnant!! Did I mention we’re still in grad school? So that’s why this post is so delayed but please know that we are so grateful for your continued prayers and support because our hearts still ache for our daughter Kiwi!
Our lives have changed all over again and there’s not a doubt in my mind that this baby is our miracle baby!! The road ahead won’t be easy but God is in control of everything and He will see us through this!! There can’t be a miracle without the need for the miraculous and we are definitely in need… But our hope is in the One who made us and who knew all of this was going to happen before we ever did!! He knows what He is doing and His Love IS Real!
so I was casually scrolling through Facebook when I see a friends post from like 3 years ago she was just reflecting on how much her life had changed since then… I clicked on her post to finish reading it and instead clicked on my posts for this day in past years… And I found this:
Apparently, just one short year ago today we announced we were pregnant!! I definitely wasn’t ready or expecting to see this… To be honest I had no idea when we made the announcement and hadn’t thought about it much.
My heart is heavy with the knowlege of how much my life has truly changed in just one year! I’ll definitely have a good cry or several tonight (after I work on homework) but I will also spend some extra time with Jesus thanking Him for continuing to be by my side even when I’m mad at Him. The Lord has truly done a work on my heart and has allotted me a grace I never knew was possible.
I loss my baby girl Kiwi Hannah back in September of last year… Since then I chose to get healthy, celebrated six years of marriage, found a job, did a 30 before 30 list, quit a job and start Grad School…
I’m grieving but I am also living and hopefully I’ll make time to share with you guys (especially my blog friends) what that looks like. There are far more moments of joy that I need to share with you all. Until then please know that it gets better.
God Bless You for your continued support.