Today, Jesus was in my memories, reminding me of His goodness and faithfulness in our lives! Today we celebrated it being 2 years since we were able to bring Kobi home from the NICU. We called it Kobi’s coming home day and had donuts for breakfast, and then went and let her pick out some things at Toys R Us with some gift cards she had. We wore matching shirts and just spent time together.
What better way to end my blog challenge than by being reminded of one of the greatest miracles God has given me thus far! Kobi was and is an answer to many prayers and she never ceases to amaze me or anyone she is around for that matter. God speaks through her and works through her to soften hard hearts and bless and brighten the day of those she meets.
I started this challenge in a funk, and I’m ending on a high note, encouraged and very aware of God’s faithfulness in my life and in the lives of those around me. He is moving and working on our behalf even while we sleep, and regardless of what we don’t see He is good and worthy to be praised!
We sat around a table and decorated eggs for each other and it was so much fun!! I hadn’t dyed eggs in years and this was Kobi’s first go at it… not only did this family activity give me a chance to reflect on Easter, it also gave me a chance to reflect on family! The blessing of a family is remarkable, and when you choose your family it makes moments like these that much more special!
Today William and I celebrated nine years of being married. It was a real low key celebration. I guess that’s what happens when you move to a new city and are on a tight budget. There were no big gifts exchanged, but we did have breakfast as a family, a family nap, a kid free coffee/putt putt date and dinner as a family. It was a nice celebration.
Somewhere between cards being exchanged and coffee being drunken we were in agreement that although we’ve only been married nine years it seems like we’ve lived many lives in that time. There are pivotal moments that have happened in our lives that have marked us and changed us and now is no different.
We had newly wed lives, before and after Miami lives, before and after Kiwi lives, NICU lives, not to mention the mission trips, the trainings and conferences that have marked our lives or the lingering effects of our before marriage lives. We were told this life together would be an adventure but we had no idea what that meant let alone what it could look like.
As hard and long as these years and lives have been, it’s all been worth it to call William Michael Harding my husband. He truly is the man for me. He balances me so well, and loves me so deeply and I look forward to this life, and the future lives with such hope, wonder, and gratefulness to experience it with him.
William Michael Harding! I Love You! Happy Anniversary!
It’s amazing how much things change in a year!! Although we weren’t near anyone we spent Kobi’s first birthday with, we made the most of our time together celebrating her life! We had so much fun going to OMSI (the science museum) with our friends Katie and Doc in Portland, where Kobi got to run free for hours! We had pizza for lunch and some ice cream because that’s what she likes and then we came home for dinner and cupcakes with our friends, the Zauners! Oh and there was some present opening in there too!
It was kind of simple and didn’t take much planning but it was so much fun and Kobi enjoyed every minute of it, and that’s all I wanted! I know how hard this move has been on her and I just wanted her to be able to enjoy her special day!
Kobi is quite phenomenal if you ask me! She knows her alphabet, their sounds, and can recognize them when we are out and about, she can count to 20 and also recognizes her numbers, she loves to sing and dance, is getting better at legos all the time, loves to eat apples, chicken, chips, and bread of any kind, still doesn’t like green beans but asks for veggie pouches all the time. She is kind and compassionate, rarely meets a stranger, Strong-willed, and so smart!
Today I dug out my bracelet, I just had to wear it today. At first I didn’t know why, at the time it played right into my outfit: a black dress a pink cami underneath and my blue glasses. I was wearing the colors for Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month so of course my bracelet with the same colors and Kiwi’s name just had to be worn today! At some point I realized that today was the day of remembrance for those that have loss children, and I felt like it was subconsciously Kiwi’s way of saying remember me!
I’ve lost friends and grandparents before, but losing my child was so different, so unexpected, the pain was so deep I thought I would drown. Everything I ever imagined for my daughter was gone in an instant. There would be no long life lived… and instead I would feel like I’ve lived long enough, just so that I could meet her! Of course I held her, but it wasn’t long enough. I saw her breathing, but that wasn’t long enough.
My baby Kiwi is gone, and it sucks!
I’m happy for this day and this month because it forces me to grieve instead of setting my feelings aside and being strong for the other areas of my life. It gives me an excuse to cry without explanation, and to really feel the tug on my heart, it also allows me to see Kiwi in different moments, be it a solitary bird flying over head, or a rainbow, those moments are sweet and I know they are her way of saying hello until we meet face to face and can embrace.
Today, the rest of this month and every other day please remember those that have experienced a loss unlike any other! You won’t always see their pain but know that it’s there and they need prayer and support and acknowledgement.