A New Life

After a pain so deep I thought it would kill me, I found new life! When Kiwi took her last few breaths on this side of heaven it completely ruined me. The anguish I felt was unlike anything I’d ever felt before, and am in no hurry to feel again. It was a struggle just to breathe, let alone eat or get out of bed! I won’t say sleep, for once I did fall asleep I slept to pass the day. I cried until I couldn’t cry anymore, it was one of those gut wrenching cries that you feel in the pit of your stomach! 

At some point, about 3 months later I decided that it was time to do something, so I found work  to keep my mind busy, then decided it was time to go to grad school and a year to the day of Kiwi’s first birthday, I found out I was pregnant with her little sister, Kobi! Although, there was a new life to grow, I was petrified. The saga that was bedrest began, grad school got put on hold,  and I did absolutely everything I could to keep Kobi growing. However, little miss Kobi decided she wanted to come closer to her sister’s original due date and made her appearance in February! We finally had a baby on this side of heaven to take care of, and to love!!

Time in the NICU made things go very slowly at first, days began to run together, and I couldn’t wait until William got off so we could go for our visits. All I ever wanted to do was be with our new baby! We were able to finally bring her home and things began to pick up! I spent all my time with her, went back to grad school, and stayed home with her as long as we could afford to. 

Kobi grew and grew and grew some more!! Her first birthday came and we celebrated her life and all that God has planned for her! It truly was a joyous occasion. We have often joked that we got to celebrate keeping her alive, cause it really is a huge accomplishment, but now as she is beginning to walk, and her personality is beginning to show itself, and she’s becoming more independent, I see that she has kept ME alive! 

She has given me a new life! One full of joy and frustration and gratefulness even at two in the morning! Kobi literally makes me feel better just by holding her, and she gives me the energy and “want to” that I need to get stuff done.  I want her to see a positive example of what marriage is like. I want to make sure that she is taken care of, not just now but when we (her parents) are long gone! I want her to know the voice of Jesus, the love of God and the comfort and teachings of the Holy Spirit. I want her to know that her prayers are heard and answered according to His will! I want her to love people, travel and good food! I want her to know that her father and I are a safe place and I want to show her unconditional love. It’s that want I have for her that keeps me alive and has given me a new life! 

People have always said, “a baby changes everything” and they are absolutely right, but I think most people focus on the long nights, the dirty diapers, the privacy issues, and the overall change in schedules. They never talk about the joy you feel at each milestone accomplished, even if it is just pooping, or getting a full nights sleep. Or better yet, the cooing, and the smiles. That clapping and the laughing. My favorite thing to do is to watch Kobi try to figure out how something works! I can see the wonder and curiosity in her eyes and it’s such a wonderful feeling. I love teaching her new things and finding moments to just love on her, and seeing her play with her daddy, consistently melts my heart because she adores him!! Those are the things that have made the changes so worth it!

This new life is not quite what I expected but I am loving every moment of it and am so grateful to have each and every experience to learn and continue to grow.


7 months of Joy

Today Kobi turned a whole seven months old! And I am so excited because she is really coming into her own personality! When she doesn’t like something she blows spit bubbles, and she doesn’t hesitate to chew you out when necessary! She does like talking to people and she is very curious. She is almost sitting up by herself, she’s a good 16 pounds now and 25 inches long, and she loves to eat squash! She has found her feet while on her back and she still likes to roll over from her stomach to her back. She is also teething and may be cutting teeth soon soon and very soon!

Y’all Kobi is pure joy and we are absolutely blessed she is here with us! When I get the ability to post pictures again I’ll update this with her cute 7 month old pictures!! Love y’all!!

Road trip celebration 

Kobi is five months today and it just so happened to be over the weekend when we travel to our friends home in Ohio for vacation. Kobi did excellent on the road and we only stopped 3 times. We’ve been to the zoo, saw fireworks and of course church! Kobi absolutely loved the fireworks and actually cried when they slowed down. She slept through most of the zoo, but we enjoyed it! 

Kobi is teething, she weighs just over 12 pounds and is 22 inches long. She loves any type of music she loves to sleep and is sleeping through the night. She picks out her outfits by smiling for the one she wants to wear!! She still loves prayer before bed and she still does not like to be hungry but is becoming more patient when things take a little longer than usual. She is learning to roll over, she has found her fists and she loves to talk!

We love her so much and love watching her grow!! Thanks for your continued prayers and support!

My little sunshine 

Kobi is four months! It’s so hard to believe! I wanted to get her a cupcake so bad but I know she can’t eat it so there would be no point. I’ll just wait until she’s 6 months so she can at least try the frosting then! 

Guys, she really is my little sunshine! She makes me happy every single day! She has truly captivated our hearts and we are excited about Kobi’s continued growth! Everyday she does something new that she didn’t do the day before. 

I love her so much and I know her daddy feels the same way! 

She is 11.2 pounds, which is her birth weight backwards! She recently found her thumb to suck on, she is starting to smile on a regular basis especially when her daddy comes home from work and holds her! She still loves to talk and is learning to lift her head up and keep it up during tummy time.

Happy 3 months Kobi!

Today Kobi is three whole months old! I can hardly believe it! She’s 8lbs 6.5 oz and she is 20 inches long! Even though she is technically only a few weeks old she is already doing so much! She talks all the time, she rolls and turns and kicks and grips.

She tries to help hold her bottle, lifts her head and does so many other little things! I am so amazed by all the things she can do and I am so excited for all the things she will do in the future.

She has a sweet temperament and loves to sleep. I really think she would choose sleeping over eating if she had a choice but we’re still trying to fatten her up so missing meals is not an option…

William and I love her so very much and we look forward to all the new things she will bring to our lives! Thanks for your continued prayers love and support we appreciate it all!

I hope you enjoy these pictures as much as I do!

Daddy bought Kobi a plant to celebrate!

Jumbled Thoughts

It’s already December! Eight days in to be exact and my thoughts are jumbled. I wanted the next blog that you all read to be something a little lighter than they have been, I wanted to talk about things that are making me happy, some things that my husband and I are doing. I wanted to talk about my 30 before 30 list mainly because I have already begun checking things off of that list and I haven’t really even made it known yet…but alas those posts will have to wait until another day because today is an emotional day for me.

Yes, it’s part Kiwi related but it’s also life related, family related, and prayer and ministry related as well! Of course I miss my baby. Especially when those women who were pregnant with me are getting closer to their due dates or have since surpassed where I was in the pregnancy. It almost always stifles my breath with an utter disappointment for everything that was lost.

My dear friend Vanessa made this beautiful piece of art for me out of clay and she was telling me how at the time she didn’t know why she did it the way she did but to know that it represented the silver lining… This was some time before I went to India and she was saying that if I didn’t go to India there was a reason and that there would be a silver lining in it… But as I try to think about what exactly she said way back then I am beginning to think that what she was saying had everything to do with this present moment. This heartache and pain that I feel from the lost that I’ve experienced. Yet, I’m still trying to figure out what the silver lining of all of this will be.

I’m emotional because at 29 I thought my life would be different. I thought I would be closer to my family. I thought our kids would be able to play together and grow up together (with tons of cousins) like I did. I never thought I’d be so far away from my brothers and sister and cousins. I never thought that when grandparents started to pass away I’d be so far or be unable to go back to them for one last hug. I thought I’d have a career I loved or at least enjoyed by now instead of still looking for that perfect fit.

There are things that the Lord has called me to do. These things are hard, they take me out of my comfort zone and leave me exhausted but I know that I have to do them. I know there is growth to be had and change to come. But in the mean time trying to find the balance between everything is hard work. I have all these questions to ask Him, many of which I’ve already asked Him and yet there are still no answers being provided. What am I to do while waiting for answers? Think I guess… and so you have my jumbled thoughts.

Strength Training

20130416-213140.jpgyou have to start somewhere right?

Today was strength training at the box actually for the next 12 weeks or so we’ll be working on strength training which should be interesting… I’ve never liked lifting weights but I find it a great challenge to see how far I can go… We had to figure out our max weight for each exercise which was pretty neat. Even though my numbers are not all that high yet I did improve… Up until this point I have only worked with a 35lb bar so for me to power clean 40lbs was progress made! I ended up squatting 50lbs and bench pressing 65lbs (I was totally surprised)!!

The funny thing is I see a great parallel with my steadfast relationship with God growing stronger with each day, not just the days I go to CrossFit but everyday that I spend with Jesus I am getting stronger. I find myself challenging my complacency, confronting wrong thinking and correcting it in love. I’m finding that I’m becoming more bold, and outspoken and gaining traits I never knew I had before kinda like how I’m gaining strength I never knew I possessed and I’m only going to get better as I push through and stay consistent and obedient.