This is a picture taken last night, which lets me know that Kobi is almost back to her normal self. This morning was further proof when she woke up and actually requested breakfast and then ate about 3 eggs. Her energy levels aren’t quite there yet, but the fact that she was up long enough to make a mess of the living room, watch tv most of the day, and then run when it was time to take her medicine lets me know she’s on the up and up.
The last couple of days have been hectic and scary and plain exhausting. I feel like I could go to sleep for three days straight. My soul is tired, but it’s also at peace because my baby can breathe again, her wheezing has greatly subsided and as much as it angers me to have to chase her down and restrain her in order for her to take her antibiotics, I’m happy that she’s not sleeping all day and refusing to eat.
Things have been pushed aside and not at the most convenient of times, but I’m grateful for the grace and understanding that followed my failures and I am beginning to understand what a supportive team really looks like, for that I am grateful and as Kobi is making her way back to her normal self I’m excited to have a rejuvenated excitement of getting back to maintaining the standards I set for myself.
Today God was in the team work that William and I had. We aren’t always on the same page, and we often don’t think about what the other person needs. However, I today was different. There seemed to be more grace for one another and we got a lot accomplished. He let me sleep in, and he got Kobi ready, I handled nap time and part of lunch and he made sure to be back in time for me to go to my meeting.
After the meeting I was on Kobi watch while he worked and then we all went to dinner with some new friends. Once we got back from dinner we both worked together to get Kobi in bed and then went to work together to finish some things on our to do list.
It may not seem like much, but working together to achieve an overall unity for our family is a major goal for us, and God definitely showed us that it can be done.
Today was hard. However, God was with me in my stubbornness, and walked me through my sin and gently highlighted my selfishness. His grace was plentiful and his forgiveness abundant. I’m still growing and learning and I will continue to repent and still receive His bountiful gifts.
The day I have been waiting for since last May has finally arrived! After September, I thought it would take forever to get here. January came and the countdown began…My anniversary came and my husband and I had a great time. For a brief two-day moment we enjoyed ourselves as if for the last four months our lives haven’t been under major construction after crumbling right before our eyes so unexpectedly. Thank you to everyone who made a happy anniversary possible, I asked for prayers and they were answered.
Alas, it’s been a few days since my anniversary and now the day I was hoping would be a joyous occasion is just another day. However, it is now filled with a deep heartache and longing for what should have been my due date!
During this countdown my heart although healing, has very much been tortured:
- To see the women who were pregnant a few weeks before me have their babies was a slap in the face.
- Those who were pregnant a few weeks after me, well to see them surpass me and making final preparations before their baby comes is hurtful.
- To see or hear about couples who haven’t been married as long as my husband and me find out their pregnant still has a gut wrenching punch.
- But the real killer of my heart is seeing a newborn baby. It doesn’t matter whose baby it is or where we are; with every new-born baby I see I feel a physical ache in my heart and the breath is knocked out of me. I have to fight to stay standing.
Please don’t hear what I am not saying/writing… I am happy for those women. I have to remind myself all the time because what I’m looking at is their blessing and their story and it’s not mine to steal or be envious of. But it doesn’t mean I don’t hurt thinking about my baby Kiwi Hannah and the story that has been left unwritten concerning her life.
I am grateful to have made it this far. I am glad this day has finally come so that I can let go of another milestone I had been holding on too, and can continue to heal. This was the day I just wanted to get through and now it’s here and will be over soon… I know this pain will continue for quite some time but I also know that it will eventually begin to fade in the background and every emotion that I feel in between those two moments. God’s grace is sufficient enough to be able to handle them.
Thank you for your continued prayers they are very much appreciated.
It’s been a while… a couple of weeks of silence… I have been busy trying to stay on top of all of my 19 credit hours, internship, wife, and coaching obligations and duties. Needless to say blogging is low on my priority list but my husband told me I needed to post again… so here I am…
Although I am busy I am not too busy to have God stop me in my tracks to worship him! That’s exactly what happened when I heard this song about a week or so ago (I have been singing the chorus ever since)! It’s such a beautiful song about God’s love for us and is a great picture of the gospel and once I heard it I was just in awe of His goodness and every time I hear it I am sent into a state of adoration and pure worship for what He has done for all of us! So with that here is the song I hope you enjoy it as much as I do!
TAKE ME IN…