Mind Dump

It’s one day until Kobi turns 3 weeks old and there are so many feelings I have inside of me at this very moment. Mostly I just want her home with me. I don’t know if that’s a feeling or what but that’s what I’ve got at the moment, there’s also guilt and sadness in there too. I’m trying to allow others to bless me as they see fit but it’s so hard to be so vulnerable again! I thought that losing Kiwi was bad enough but this sucks too! The only thing that doesn’t make it just as bad is knowing that I get to go and see Kobi every day!! But even that makes me miss her sister a little more…

I cry all the time over the smallest things: a commercial, food, a card, William thinking of me and showing me with little gifts. Despite me being overly emotional (post pregnancy hormones are real and in my case a lot more weepy than when I was pregnant) everyday life makes me extra grateful! The fact that I can walk around freely with minimal pain is wonderful and even if I overdo it I know that I’m still not confined to the bed anymore so I just rest up and go again in a few days… I still can’t bend down and pick things up or even lift overly heavy items (this could be my purse with a bible and a water bottle in it) but I try to do what I can when I have the energy to do it. My life right now consists of pumping, sleeping, taking my meds, drinking enough water and trying to eat three decent meals a day. it may not seem like much but it’s actually a huge task right now. My goal is to get healthy enough to take care of Kobi when she comes home…

Did I mention we still have the nursery to get finished as well as my baby shower to attend that I don’t even really feel like going to because I’ll be baby less and still look pregnant and now I have to try to find something to wear for a bump less baby shower although there’s still a bump there and I have no idea how I want to wear my hair… gosh those things don’t even seem that important but because this is my first baby shower I just wanted things to be a particular way; mainly I wanted to have a baby in my belly during it but that won’t be the case this time around… Oh and I never got my maternity pictures done between bed rest and bad weather so I have like one picture on the day I began to go in labor of my bare belly that William took while the doctors where examining me!

Gosh I just feel like my life has always got to be a testimony for someone else (meaning everything has to be done the hard way) and that knowledge can be a lot to take at times. I know I have to trust God and I am but it doesn’t make this life any easier. I’m tired. I’m worried about my baby. I’m trying to find the balance between being concerned and not letting her become an idol. I’m trying to be kind in my impatience and trying to extend more grace specifically to William all while trying to rest… If I wasn’t exhausted at the end of the day I don’t know that I would ever sleep.

I’m still trying to figure out if I should be working or go and finish my degree first and then I keep thinking of possible theses to research and thinking about how close I am to finishing my degree. I’m thinking about childcare and if I could really leave Kobi right away and I’m thinking about moving but know that moving would require a two income household and I want to find a job that I am passionate about and that I love going into every day!  I don’t just want to work at something I’m good at because that brings me no joy and I need to have joy in order to be fulfilled and satisfied… so many things running through my head I just needed to get them all out so I could breathe. Thanks for listening/reading.

Get up and pray!

Today is the first Thursday in May… which is also the National Day of Prayer it’s a wonderful time where people all over the nation come together to pray for our nation and cities. The focus is on the seven major areas of influence in our country (in no particular order) Government, Media, Education, Business, Church, Family and Military. Usually I go into the importance of each one but instead I am just going to encourage you all to get up and pray… even if it’s just you praying through these seven areas in whatever way God leads you to pray. If you only have 15 minutes take 15 minutes if you’re city is having a corporate gathering find it and attend… and if it’s just you and a friend that’s fine too; just pray. I had the wonderful opportunity to start my day this morning with praying for these areas and then attending a corporate gathering in my city of Clarksville, TN and it was so refreshing to see everyone coming together to lift our city up! There wasn’t any egos involved and the focus was Jesus moving in our city! What better reason to unite?!

Be Blessed and pray.



Make A Note Monday: What Teachers Make By Taylor Mali

I don’t know if you all know this but I wanted to be a teacher when I was younger. Specifically a hearing impaired teacher, but then we moved away and all of a sudden there were no more hearing impaired students in my classes or to help out. I even started my college career majoring in Education K-6 I wanted to teach kindergarten… but then something changed and I got a chance to see behind the curtain of what really goes on and I didn’t like it… so I left… but that has never changed my passion for teaching or the respect that I have always had for teachers…

Here is a fun meme/comic/story that my husband found and sent to me… It almost made me tear up with gratitude for those who teach and who have made me the woman I am today… Enjoy but be aware there are two occasions towards the end that contain a not so nice picture and a not so nice word…


What Teachers Make... -   Misc


National Day of Prayer Recap


Yesterday was the National Day of Prayer and I had the honor of taking part in a community gathering in Clarksville, TN. It was so refreshing to see the community come together to take part in this special occasion and challenge each person to pray not just on that day but everyday! They had predetermined people from the community pray for each of the seven influences of power: military, media, business, family, government, church, and education as well as praise and worship and passages from the Bible.

It really was a great time of communion with brothers and sisters in Christ and with The Lord. My favorite part of the whole experience was seeing everyone come together to pray for our city and for our nation. There were pastors and business men and women, there were government officials and moms with preschoolers, young and old all together for a single purpose and it was magnificent to behold. Not to mention a great way to jump start anyone in a lifestyle of prayer! I’m glad I was able to participate and was reminded to pray everyday for my city and our nation.

What was your favorite part of National Day of Prayer?

National Day Of Prayer Prep

The National Day of Prayer is coming up this Thursday May 2nd… it happens every year the first thursday in May to be exact and this year is no different. There are many different ways you can get involved to include day of prayer meetings around your town and even watching a simulcast. There are numerous ways to prepare for thursday some started last year, some started 50 days ago some started 21 days ago and some just start with preparing yourself with the points in order to effectively pray on Thursday.

I didn’t want to just write about The National Day of Prayer on Thursday instead I wanted to provide a couple of days notice so you all could gather the necessary information and participate even if it’s just going over the 7×7 prayers which are the 7 centers of power 7 days a week it sounds difficult but really can be done literally anywhere; in your car, while you’re in line, or right before you go to bed. I wrote about it in my prayer challenge a few months ago. For those of you who have no idea what the seven centers of power are, they are  the most influential parts of our lives, military, government, education, business, media, church and family.

If you can even commit to pray through them now until the end of the week that would be a great start. Also check out the official website to find other great things you can look forward to on Thursday and how you can prepare for next years day of prayer now. I encourage you all to not let this day of prayer come and go without any action taken! Challenge yourself and pray…