Happy Big Sister Day!

Today Kiwi Hannah would have been three years old! So we slept in, had pancakes, took naps, played and played and played in an indoor play room, Had waaaay tooo many sweets, and just enjoyed today! We really celebrated Kiwi’s life, her memory and did things we thought she would have liked. 

A family snuggling
Enjoying some snuggle time.

We were also blessed with pumpkin scones from a dear friend who lives thousands of miles a way… When everything happened with Kiwi, and I was finally home, these scones appeared on our door one day with a note, it wasn’t until over a year later by happenstance that I finally realized who they had come from and was blown away and completely shocked it took me that long to find out, so when the same scones showed up on my doorstep with a similar note I cried for the first and only time today! I felt like the Lord remembered me and remembered my baby… it’s silly because how could he forget her, she’s with Him all the time, but it still just spoke directly to my heart, and I cried happy tears.

I also received just enough text messages/other messages that wished Kiwi a Happy Birthday that made me grateful for family and friends! Leading up today I was a mess, but we really did just enjoy playing hooky from work and taking Kobi out for some fun!! 
I miss Kiwi every day, but I am so grateful to God who gave us the time we had together and then gave us the creativity and healing enough to come up with Big Sister Day! 

It’s my birthday!

Well at least for another hour (when I started writing this) it is. I turned 32 today and surprisingly with everything going on, I had a successful last minute get together, was able to finally get my pedicure, had waaaaay too much cake ended up getting some mangonada, actually I got waaaay too much mangonada and now I feel overstuffed, oh and I was treated to breakfast and coffee while I had to do school work, got a couple of pairs of new sunglasses, and my dear William gave me a duty free day and took care of Kobi all day (to include diapers, feedings, naptime and bedtime rountine)! All I did was play with her, hold her a few times and push her in the cart. It was an extra added surprise! 

I’m 32, married, have a beautiful little girl I get to help raise and one in heaven, I own my home, and I pretty much have my Master’s degree and yet I am just now beginning to believe that I am capable of the things I can do, and I am just now starting to let my light shine because hiding has been hard and tiring and I’m done with it! I’m ready for this new season, this God season, with all its grace, favor and love! I’m ready to walk into all that God has for me; like for real this time! I’m ready to be free and relax a whole lot more and worry a whole lot less. It’s going to be a new adventure and I have an exciting expectation! 

Thank you for all the well wishes today, and many blessings to you!!

Happy 1st Birthday Kiwi Hannah!

I woke up today and kept wishing my baby a Happy 1st Birthday because all I could think about was how wonderful it must have been to not only wake up in heaven but to celebrate with Jesus! 

It’s been exactly one year since my Kiwi Hannah was born and passed away to be with Jesus and I have no idea where the time has gone! It really did seem to fly by even through all my grief and pain.

 Thank you so very much to every person who has prayed me and my husband through this year! I definitely know that our healing has been in part because of the prayers you’ve prayed. Thank you for letting me vent, and cry, and share the journey to healing with you all. It’s not always been pretty but it’s been as real as I could be at the moment. So thanks for listening/reading and sharing your encouraging words.
I had been thinking about what we could do to celebrate Kiwi’s birthday and I came up with the idea to cook something new together. I wanted to do something that was low key, fun and could be continued once the other kids arrive. We decided to cook an Indian dish that Kiwi and I got to experience during our time on the mission field there. We made butter chicken (thanks for the recipe Heather) with rice and we had naan. And for dessert we made a pumpkin cheesecake! We had a few friends over to celebrate with and there were a few gifts (mostly flowers) and the celebration was just perfect. 

I did spend the day with Jesus listening to worship music and praying and I went and got my nails done in the colors that Kiwi’s nursery was going to be in (purple and orange). But overall I really did try and make it a day of celebration because everyone only ever gets one first birthday! 

   

The butter chicken ( i forgot to get a picture on a plate)
    
Happy Birthday Kiwi!
  
Thanks for the gifts!
 

10 Years Later

Today is my baby Cylis’ 10th Birthday!! Every year I reminisce on all the things that I never got to do with Cylis because he went to heaven too soon… but this year for the first time I’m happy that he’s there because that means that my baby Kiwi Hannah was greeted by him in heaven when she first got there and I’m sure they continue to hang out now!

Source
Source

I’m so incredibly sad. Words truly aren’t good enough to express the sorrow that I’m feeling today but knowing that my two babies are together in heaven puts a smile on my face through the tears and makes me a bit jealous that they get all the fun with Jesus and all I get is His still small voice.

Happy Birthday Cy!!! I loved you from the moment I knew you existed. Thank you for showing my baby Kiwi around heaven… I look forward to celebrating in heaven with you one day.

30 Before 30

Here it is finally… My 30 Before 30 List!!

I have exactly 6 months to accomplish my goals (my birthday is July 8th)!! I have already accomplished a few and am on my way to accomplishing a couple more within the next few weeks. They are in no particular order and I will try to post a blog with pictures when I have completed my future tasks…

  • Go to a wine tastingĀ  (I did this with Val and Jessica in NC)

    It was just after we took this picture we found the wine tasting!! And it was so awesome!! I learned that I like muscadine wine and Duplin is a good brand as well as Rock of Ages!
    It was just after we took this picture we found the wine tasting!! And it was so awesome!! I learned that I like muscadine wine and Duplin is a good brand as well as Rock of Ages!
  • I want to go see an Indy Film (Saw Dear White People)

    We went to the Belcourt Theatre in Nashville to see this movie and it was so great!! If it comes out on DVD I'm getting it for sure!!
    We went to the Belcourt Theatre in Nashville to see this movie and it was so great!! If it comes out on DVD I’m getting it for sure!!
  • Go to a painting class (Painted Monet’s Water Lilies with Crystal)

    This is our finished product! It was so much fun and inexpensive thanks to a deal I found on Living Social!
    This is our finished product! It was so much fun and inexpensive thanks to a deal I found on Living Social!
  • I want to partake in a fancy dinner
  • I want to dress up in fancy clothes for said dinner
  • I want to have a Girls Night Out where we’re all dressed up
  • I want to rock a Body Con dress at some point
  • I want to dye my hair at some point
  • I want to complete a Pinterest Project that’s not food
  • I want to actually print pictures
  • I want to play a whole song with melody on the piano
  • I want to hold a conversation in Spanish
  • I want to pay off debt
  • I want to recreate an outfit with only thrifted clothes
  • I want to finish William’s Blanket
  • I want to paint more and actually learn techniques
  • I want to finish the Dance Ministry SOP I’m working on
  • I want to get a job that I like
  • I want to start a group for women
  • Book a speaking engagement
  • Go to a beach
  • Go to a new city
  • Become a thrifter
  • Go to networking events
  • Rent a house or cabin with friends
  • Step into what God has for me
  • Become a mentor
  • Go to North Carolina
  • Go to Ohio
  • Go to Texas

*My just because is to apply for a job out of country*