Nine Years, Many Lives.

Today William and I celebrated nine years of being married. It was a real low key celebration. I guess that’s what happens when you move to a new city and are on a tight budget. There were no big gifts exchanged, but we did have breakfast as a family, a family nap, a kid free coffee/putt putt date and dinner as a family. It was a nice celebration.

Somewhere between cards being exchanged and coffee being drunken we were in agreement that although we’ve only been married nine years it seems like we’ve lived many lives in that time. There are pivotal moments that have happened in our lives that have marked us and changed us and now is no different.

We had newly wed lives, before and after Miami lives, before and after Kiwi lives, NICU lives, not to mention the mission trips, the trainings and conferences that have marked our lives or the lingering effects of our before marriage lives. We were told this life together would be an adventure but we had no idea what that meant let alone what it could look like.

As hard and long as these years and lives have been, it’s all been worth it to call William Michael Harding my husband. He truly is the man for me. He balances me so well, and loves me so deeply and I look forward to this life, and the future lives with such hope, wonder, and gratefulness to experience it with him.

William Michael Harding! I Love You! Happy Anniversary!

On This Day

At this very moment, I had a few words with Cookie as the music started to play and everyone began walking in to take their places on the stage and I couldn’t stop crying because I couldn’t believe that I was finally getting married and having a real wedding to boot! Getting married was something I had always dreamed about but never really saw it modeled, so I didn’t think it was possible, but then I met Jesus and He gave me the desires of my heart as I walked in to the room and professsed my love for you in front of our closest friends and family.  The ceremony ended with our first kiss, but that was just the beginning! We danced, I fell, we visited with our friends, we ate a little, and we helped clean up too, we celebrated becoming one and I am so grateful to you for making me your wife! 

On This Day

8 years later, William, I want to say thank you for loving me, and for fighting for our marriage! Thank you for being the best husband you know how to be and for your continued efforts to be even better! We have been through so much in these eight years and yet I still feel like I  have barely scratched the surface to your heart. William, you are an amazing, complicated, sensitive man and I promise to always put in the effort it takes to love you better and love you just the way you are! I love you today and always and am truly honored to be your wife!! Happy Anniversary my love!! I am glad to be on this grand Jesus adventure with you!! 

It’s finally here!

The day I have been waiting for since last May has finally arrived! After September, I thought it would take foreverĀ to get here. January came and the countdown began…My anniversary came and my husband and I had a great time. For a brief two-day moment we enjoyed ourselves as if for the last four months our lives haven’t been under major construction after crumbling right before our eyes so unexpectedly. Thank you to everyone who made a happy anniversary possible, I asked for prayers and they were answered.

Alas, it’s been a few days since my anniversary and now the day I was hoping would be a joyous occasion is just another day. However, it is now filled with a deep heartache and longing for what should have been my due date!

During this countdown my heart although healing, has very much been tortured:

  • To see the women who were pregnant a few weeks before me have their babies was a slap in the face.
  • Those who were pregnant a few weeks after me, well to see them surpass me and making final preparations before their baby comes is hurtful.
  • To see or hear about couples who haven’t been married as long as my husband and me find out their pregnant still has a gut wrenching punch.
  • But the real killer of my heart is seeing a newborn baby. It doesn’t matter whose baby it is or where we are; with every new-born baby I see I feel a physical ache in my heart and the breath is knocked out of me. I have to fight to stay standing.

Please don’t hear what I am not saying/writing… I am happy for those women. I have to remind myself all the time because what I’m looking at is their blessing and their story and it’s not mine to steal or be envious of. But it doesn’t mean I don’t hurt thinking about my baby Kiwi Hannah and the story that has been left unwritten concerning her life.

I am grateful to have made it this far. I am glad this day has finally come so that I can let go of another milestone I had been holding on too, and can continue to heal. This was the day I just wanted to get through and now it’s here and will be over soon… I know this pain will continue for quite some time but I also know that it will eventually begin to fade in the background and every emotion that I feel in between those two moments. God’s grace is sufficient enough to be able to handle them.

Thank you for your continued prayers they are very much appreciated.

2 months already

It’s been two months already!! My dear precious daughter went to be with Jesus two months ago and it’s so hard to believe. It’s hard not to think about how she would have been 6 months in my belly if she were still here but she has the best life with Jesus! I miss her dearly and wish she was still here but that’s just not the case.

I am just happy that today wasn’t full of tears. I did spend time talking to Jesus and crying but my whole day wasn’t consumed by it (even though I know it would have been okay if it was). I actually got up and made plans, saw people, cleaned the house, cooked dinner, and spent some wonderful quality time with my husband.

Two months is both a long time and not that long but as each day goes by I am healing and the pain is not so bad. Of course I still have my sad days but I just find a picture of her and stare at it for a while and I begin to feel better. It’s hard. The hardest thing I’ve been through but I am truly finding out that His grace is sufficient!

Thanks for reading and praying


5 Years Strong!!


Today my husband and I celebrate five years of marriage. I am excited to have reached such a milestone and happy to say that I honestly love where we are as a couple!

We have grown so much individually and together and we are continuously learning about each other. In the past five years he’s learned that I don’t like pizza and I finally stopped forcing peaches mangoes and popcorn on him, he’s learned about natural hair makeup and fashion, I’ve learned how to drive a stick to laugh at his jokes more and to be more playful with him.

We both still want a big family who travels the world doing what God has called us to do (whatever that might be for the season we’re in at the time). We know that God has something BIG in store for us and everyday we make sure to love Jesus more than we love each other!

To those that are reading this Happy Valentine’s Day and to those reading this that have supported us throughout these last five years THANK YOU!!

We wouldn’t be where we are today without each and every one of you and the countless prayers you’ve prayed for us. Thanks for all the advice dinners and slaps in the face when we needed it.

To my dearest William, Happy Anniversary! I love you very much and I am glad that God saw fit to bring us together! I am looking forward to all the years of laughter love and memories still to come.