Happy 4th Birthday Kobi

Unicorns! It was all about the unicorns this year with Kobi, and I was so excited to see how on-trend she was (read it made it easy to find items because they were in abundance and reasonably priced). So this year Kobi turned four and we had several celebrations: we went to the zoo a couple of weeks ago, we had dinner and ice cream with some great friends, met up with a past teacher of Kobi’s during the weekend, made sure to continue the pancake breakfast tradition, had a few friends over and she received a good amount of phone calls, texts, cards, video chats, and messages! She really did have a great day and was so excited and thankful for all of her gifts!

I’m exhausted I took the day off thinking I could knock out the set up and then rest, and that didn’t happen, but I’m not even mad or sad about it, because seeing her joy and smile and excitement at the surprises was all worth it!

Highlights of the Decade

In this decade I have gotten married and celebrated ten years of marriage, bought and sold a house, went on several mission trips to other countries, coached volleyball and track, birthed two babies, moved to three different states, finished my bachelors degree, obtained my Masters, helped in church plants, went to ministry schools, gained perspective and deeper faith, began therapy, and wrote a book. It’s been a definite adventure, and I have a holy anticipation for what the next decade will hold!

Kiwi Hannah is 5!

My heart aches. It’s ached all day off and on. I took a nap in the middle of the day because I was tired. Kobi tucked me in and kissed my cheek and sang to me while I napped.

In between the nap, we had breakfast, we played with balloons, built a fort, went swimming, went to Chick-fil-a, and Dunkin and made the most of the day. We tried to say yes to Kobi all day and it was pretty fun well at least for me, because I feel like I’m always saying no.

Things felt different this year. Maybe because Kiwi Hannah is five and that seems like such a milestone birthday! It just hit me differently. Like it’s been 5 years! It took us 5 years to even get pregnant with her, so for her to be gone for 5 years after the fact, just seems like a lifetime has passed!

There are so many things I want to say, and feel the need to say but I don’t have the energy, not today. Just know that we celebrated Big Sister Day the best we could!

To my Knight in shining armor on our anniversary

Dear Knight-in-shining-armor,

It’s been ten years. Life has been hard. The armor is a bit banged up from all the elements of this adventure we have lived together. It’s clunky, rusted, and hard to move around in. Even so, you still polish it and keep donning that heavy suit for me, making sure I feel our happily-ever-after hasn’t completely died.

It’s been ten years. The weight of the armor has been an unnecessary burden on you just because I liked the way it looked. It’s not realistic and I’m sorry I’ve made you carry that weight around all these years. For a girl who hates Disney I sure did fall for their lie…

Nevertheless I have seen the error and the damage I have done and on the day that we celebrate our love of being married. I would like to release you, to tell you to TAKE OFF THE ARMOR and go and get top dollar at the junk yard for the scraps so no other man can fall into that lie.

See the problem with you being a knight was that you were never really allowed to rest. You were always in a fight, and you served me no matter the situation and probably worst of all, you were never allowed to make a mistake. The only person who was ever that perfect was Jesus and yet that same standard was tossed upon you and polished so brightly it blinded me.

It’s only by God’s goodness and glory that we’ve come this far because I’ve had it all wrong this whole time. I’ve been walking around so blinded by the pristine shine from your armor that I couldn’t see you, and it’s just now that I am starting to see and believe the “you” you have become. You need to be in a position where you rest, where your decisions are valued, where you don’t have to be in a fight all the time, where you can be seen and where you can make mistakes knowing full well they are allowed and we can work through them together. If I’m suppose to be your helpmate, why can’t I help solve the problems instead of making you feel like they are all your fault even when they are out of your control?

Today we are ten years in… it’s been a hard ten years it feels like we’ve lived several different lives in that time. And although I feel like I’m starting from the beginning, I’m excited because I know that there are no filters, no light blindness, just you in your rawest form and I get to see you, to hear you, to watch you stretch out and become the man you were always meant to be.

I’m sorry for the things I did, the things I didn’t do, the things I said or didn’t say when I was walking around blinded by the armor I made you wear. I have repented for the damages I have caused our family and I am asking your forgiveness today so that we can start this next decade on the same page of realistic expectations, hopes, and dreams together. Happy Anniversary, my love. Thank you for loving me so faithfully and so unconditionally all these years.

Golden Birthday Celebration

Kobi turned 3 today! Making her 3 on the third aka her golden birthday. I feel like once she realizes what a golden birthday is, she will feel bummed because she didn’t really remember her celebration, so I tried to make it as special as I could.

For months I asked her what she wanted for her birthday and all she said was I want cake with my family. She wanted an orange cake with ten candles to be exact, so I set out to make from scratch (sans the orange color) a two layer cake with buttercream frosting and ten candles. It took waaaay to long but I had fun and she loved it!

We kept the celebration light. Pancake breakfast, naps, playing with presents, bubbles, and balloons, pizza eating, some Super Bowl style foods, tons of FaceTime/video chats, the orange cake of course and then we ended the night with a special Rockstar sized prayer for her third year of life!!

There are so many feelings I’ve felt today, but the one that stands out the most is gratefulness! She is my rainbow baby, full of God’s promises, and His power and I stand in awe that he saw fit to allow us to steward her life while we are on this earth. Happy Birthday Katherine Obadiah Harding! We love you forever!