This month is over! There was so much stuff going on I really don’t know what my focus should be for the coming month. Trying to find the balance between work and life has been unattainable and will probably remain as such forever, but my goal is to be at least 60/40 at any given moment. Therapy is still much needed. I actually had fun doing our budget and keeping track of what was going on with our money at any given moment. It actually brought about a freedom I don’t think I’ve felt in a long time when it comes to money. It would be nice to add another date night into the budget as well as a few other line items. I want to start running again, and continue to be mindful of what I put into my body mainly dairy and processed sugars. I want to get to bed at a decent time again, instead of past midnight. I really want to refocus and readjust my goals going into the last 3 months of the year and I want to continue to go deep with Jesus and His word. I didn’t really narrow anything down, but I do know that I feel much better about going into this new month with a fresh perspective and newly outfitted goals! Thanks again for your support and encouragement!
On the eve of this month almost being over, I just want to say how thankful I am that tomorrow is the last day of this month! September was by far the hardest month of the year for me. I’m usually emotional because it’s Kiwi’s Birthday month, but to throw in a sick kiddo, big work projects, and trying to change our family tree by getting out of debt at the same time it was a lot to take on at once, and I’m still trying to recover.
I’m not sleeping all that well, I’m not really motivated to do much, I’m just ready for it to be over, so that I can just reset, make some goals for next month and give myself a bit more grace and balance. I’ve made some strides and I had some wins, but to know that this month is almost over brings so much relief.
Thank you for coming to read my posts, and for participating in the dialogue during this blog challenge. Hopefully I won’t go so long in between posts and can incorporate this space into my regular calendar, because it has been fun to blog every night, and to hear from my readers.
Today was just that for me. A hard reset. There were things that needed to be done, but mentally I couldn’t do it. I was exhausted. So instead I played with Kobi, I made baked mac n cheese I actually went to several events we were invited too, and I ate good food and just spent time to reset my soul.
I spent time with God asked Him some questions I needed to ask Him and just let myself feel the range of emotions that is my life. I feel so much better than I did when I woke up.
This picture doesn’t look like much but capturing this moment let me see how much I needed to just be here and not be consumed with things I cannot control.
This morning I saw the sun’s rays shining from behind a cloud and it was so beautiful. I snapped a few pictures to remember it. It just reminded me of simpler times before kids, before Miami, before work became all consuming, when I would see God in everything at any given moment.
I talk to God at any given moment, and pray just as much but I don’t always take notice of the beautiful things in front of me. So this sweet cloud covered sun was a wonderful reminder to take an extra minute or two and to see what the Lord is doing and to just take a breath and enjoy what’s around me.
This afternoon I did this by letting Kobi pick up a rock and hold on to it all throughout the grocery store. She ended up giving it to the cashier (who tried to give it back) and the cashier was so excited to have received something just because from her, I heard her tell her coworker as we were leaving and I could hear the joy in her voice. Any other time and I would have missed that moment but today I got to see it and it was a nice change of pace.
Tonight I went on a run with Kobi, and a few women from MOPS and church that I met. It was the first time I’ve run outside/with others since I left Oregon and it felt so good! Not to mention I was so proud of Kobi who ran most of the way and l only stopped a couple of times and even then it wasn’t that long.
It was her first time running for fun and it was my first time being brave enough to run with her as a form of exercise and not just a quick race. I’m proud of me too. I didn’t want to go because I’m so tired and I had already gotten a workout in earlier in the day and it was dark and Bill wasn’t home yet, but I stuck to my word and showed up and I had a great time! I’m excited to see how we improve as we continue to show up!
I got home and checked my Facebook memories and found this picture from four years ago:
I realized looking at this memory that I had just found out I was pregnant with Kobi in this picture and so “we” ran this fun run way back then and we just so happened to run together again tonight!
What a cool little memory. I am so happy that I showed up and fought through the sleepy whiny kid and my excuses because I love when things line up like this and Jesus knew that, and did I mention I actually had fun and don’t feel horrible after running?!
I am excited to see where this running thing takes us, as individuals and as running buddies. As I watched her run and love winning and struggle when our friends left us, I realized that she had no clue how well she’d actually done and how if we keep running she’ll get it and she’ll only get better.
Then I realized as I was talking to my dad that if I could have believed in myself when I ran track as much as I believe in myself now I would have been an even greater force!! I didn’t know then that I could run more than a lap back then. As I grew older I saw glimpses of it and obviously I learned how (while I was in the Army) to run longer distances but I never enjoyed it, until now.
So here I go, again. It took me a minute to get here but hopefully with Kobi’s help I’ll stick around a little longer.