The Past Five Months

The past five months have been utterly incomprehensible! I’ve never known a pain so deep, so raw, one that bleeds at the sight of a newborn baby, pregnant lady, or baby clothes (did I mention I am constantly surrounded by all three).

And yet, here I am; ALIVE and in my right mind when I thought I’d be dead or locked away in an institution for the mentally insane!

I am surrounded by good, meaty, life-long friends that give more than they take; and that’s refreshing! I have been working which has kept my mind busy and brought some much-needed money into the house. I’ve even lost most of the baby weight, and I celebrated my sixth wedding anniversary with my wonderful husband!!

Life is ever so slowly moving forward, my relationship with Jesus has returned to what it once was…Heck, it may even be better than before because now I have captured a part of His grace I never knew existed!

I still miss my baby girl, Kiwi Hannah Harding every day!! Some days are more than others and some days the pain isn’t as bad but every day (come to find out) she is thought about and missed and loved by more than just me!! She was an answered prayer, a promise fulfilled, a long-awaited gift, and although I only had her for a little while, she was everything I had asked for!

So today on this fifth month of her being with Jesus, although my heart aches I’m deciding to trust in Jesus, look towards the future, and begin to live a little bit more of the life God has for me because Kiwi is more than okay she is with the only man who could love her more than her father and me: Jesus, and at the end of the day that’s all a mother could ask for and ever want!!

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