I feel like every time I want to post something upbeat and somewhat simplistic my mood dictates otherwise. How hard is it to blog about my 30 before 30 list? Apparently really hard… but hopefully I’ll make it and just schedule it to go out at the beginning of the year… I also want to do a resolution post for 2015 before the end of the year… but we’ll see… Right now my heart is heavy and I just want it to stop.
It’s not even just about my Kiwi Hannah either… It’s about Ty Sweeney and his family… (They are apart of our church family) He went into cardiac arrest on Christmas Eve and hasn’t made any signs of recovery, I’ve been praying ever since I found out. It’s about Rejoice Sanki and the other 219 other Nigerian school girls who are still not at home with their families. It’s about all the injustice and unrest between the black community and the police, It’s about friends feeling alone and like they don’t belong. It’s about praying for those who have lost loved ones this past year who may not be having the happiest of holidays, It’s everything and it’s so overwhelming! I feel like I’ve been praying for these issues non stop, several times a day and we’re all still believing for miracles concerning each one… It’s exhausting.
I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like I’m going a bit crazy. I know that I haven’t taken on any false burdens (I know how that feels) this feels different, it’s deeper, and higher at the same time, and full of the Holy Spirit’s presence. I guess I’ve never had a burden to pray for this long before… and that’s why it’s so exhausting and overwhelming and making me feel a bit crazy… Writing it down has made it a bit lighter… I guess with clarity comes the alleviation of pressure and the continued responsibility to pray.