It’s been three Sundays since my beautiful baby girl Kiwi Hannah went to be with Jesus and I have come to realize that Sundays are the hardest day for me because of that.
I am use to and enjoy spending time with a corporate body worshipping Jesus on a Sunday morning but it’s hard for me to fellowship when all I want to do is go back to the day I held my baby in my arms.
As the weeks go on it doesn’t get any better, in fact it gets harder because all I want is to have my baby back but I know it’s impossible as long as I’m on this earth.
I think about her several times a day mainly what stage of growth she would have been at and it’s heart breaking!
I am trying to give myself enough grace to cry and mourn and just be but at the same time I know I need to enjoy the moments of peace and joy that come my way in the form of friends and prayers and gentle smiles from strangers and my husbands loving touch.
It seems like my heart aches uncontrollably more on Sundays more than any other day. It’s like God’s little reminder that I’m still alive and that my heart hasn’t become numb and calloused but the ache is deep and makes even breathing difficult.
I know that my life is forever changed and that Jesus is the only one that can heal my heart enough for me to move forward, but I can’t wait until I get to the point where I can enjoy Sundays again plain and simple.