I can’t ignore it. I struggle with body image issues. I still think I am bigger than I actually am and didn’t realize it until recently when I went and put on a pair of volleyball shorts that were incredibly too big for me. Then and only then had I realized just how much weight I’d lost and that I in fact wasn’t as big as I thought. I still am not sure exactly how much weight that I lost. But I do know that I am once again my in shape Army size which is something that I’ve been working at for a while now. I’m excited about it I just need to change my mindset and realize that I am beautiful and stop tying the way I feel about me to how big or little my pant size is!
I am sure that every woman does it and even some men. But I’ve struggled with this since my high school days. I dunno I figured that I had overcome this issue. But I guess losing weight just made me more aware of it because now I have to go shopping for all new clothes that fit. I know it may sound like I am complaining because I have to go shopping but it’s really more than that. I feel this unnecessary pressure (that no one is putting on me) to keep the weight off. I am more aware every time I eat something with a ton of calories and it really does something to me emotionally. It’s almost like a love/hate relationship.
I know there is a difference between being more healthy and making better decisions about my food choices and this awareness is not quite that. It’s more of a competition with every other girl that’s not me… a voice that is telling me that they are sure that the other pretty girl is not having a second piece of cake or fast food and ice cream for dinner. Telling me that the other pretty girl is working out right now not watching T.V. I’m competing with this fictitious woman and I’m tired.
This woman is not those who are on T.V. I really am aware of the media and how those women have so much done to them between hair, makeup, cosmetic surgery, and airbrushed techniques I know that the after person we see is NOT like the before person who showed up. NO instead this woman is the enemy disguised as every woman who I see. And starting NOW I will NO longer allow him to manipulate the thoughts I have about me and my body anymore!
It’s the enemy that has me so tied up on what that other woman looks like that I can’t see how beautiful I am. It’s the enemy that has reminded me of what I use to look like 10 years ago! Are you kidding me!!! 10 years ago I was in high school on the track and volleyball teams worked out in between seasons and walked three miles both ways to and from school (of course I was a lot smaller)!!! It’s the enemy that condemns period and I am done listening to him and his lies! I am beautiful! I am royalty! I am set free!! I will eat what I want and I will work out when I want. I will see myself the way Jesus sees me everyday and know that I really am beautiful! I am ready to walk in the confidence of knowing that I am beautiful and that it’s okay to feel beautiful no matter what size I wear.